By: Jennifer Hefner
“When you are good at making excuses, it is hard to excel
at anything else.” ~ John L. Mason
Ok, here goes nothing! I previously wrote a blog titled “Common Excuses,” where I discussed identifying excuses that hold us back from moving forward. Excuses that we all make, a lot of times unknowingly. Identifying those excuses is a means to help yourself stop making excuses that keep you from reaching your goals. Once you get the hang of identifying excuses, it becomes hard not to spot them when other people make them. Call it a curse if you will, I have a hard time with this because I can spot an excuse as soon as it is muttered. Part of me wants to call the person out, but that would be rude to do so. Especially because I can live in Excuseville myself at times.
But today, I am here to talk about a recent situation I observed that has me looking at our mindsets in a concerning way. Ok, you are probably wondering what I am getting at. So let me start by saying my observation took place when I read a post on social media. Now before you start scolding me about dissecting the “mindset” on social media, the post was from a private group of women who talk about daily housekeeping tasks, cleaning products, personal planners, time management, exercising, etc. Pretty innocent and light conversations take place here. But the post that caught my attention had more to do with, you got it, EXCUSES! Or maybe I should use the term VALIDATION!
Have you ever had a coworker, friend or family member ask for advice but immediately make an excuse for why your advice won’t work for them? They don’t even give it a thought or a chance. I am sure you have, or like myself, you may have done this too. Someone asks for advice, and quite a few people give them pretty good, sound advice but they shoot them all down. They have an excuse for every comment as to “why” the idea won’t work for them without any consideration.
You could say I wasted my time reading through the threads, but the question asked interested me and I thought I would learn something. But the more I read, the more bothered I got. I honestly wanted to ask the person “why” she was asking for advice because she really wasn’t interested in finding a solution to her issue. Her responses made it very clear that she really didn’t have any intention of trying the readers’ advice.
THIS PERSON JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO AGREE WITH HER, TO VALIDATE HER STAYING COMFORTABLE!
Do you know someone like this? Are you this person? What it comes down to is staying comfortable in your current situation, you just want someone to validate you! Ask yourself this question- Am I willing to get uncomfortable, to try different ideas to move forward, to get different results? Our mindset normally goes straight to staying comfortable, to do what we know. Getting uncomfortable, is, well, uncomfortable. But, if we want different results, better results, we must do change our current actions. We must be willing to get uncomfortable, to have an open mind to try new things. That is when we will start seeing change in ourselves and meet those goals we have set.
Let’s work on having an open mind to trying new ideas and getting uncomfortable to meet our goals. And let’s throw out the excuses and need for validation!
~Jennifer Hefner
Assistant Volleyball Coach
West Virginia Wesleyan College
Mindset Coach, Change Your State Challenge